Make yourself feel happy. Do it right now. Whatever is bothering you right now either do something to fix it or find a way to allow yourself to feel OK about it for the next five to ten minutes. Tell yourself "I deserve this." Declare to the world that you deserve it, in your head if that's what feels right to you, or aloud. Just let yourself feel OK about saying- "I deserve five minutes of peace. Hell, I need it. We need to be at least relatively happy to function. Enjoy some happiness with people you love, share love, make the feeling strong.
Now: This is what we call a frequency. It is an emotion, yes, but there are different names for the same thing. You can also call them frequencies. Some people call them vibrations. These are all correct. Your body literally feels lighter, when you feel love your chest literally expands with warmth. You can feel this. And that is a sensation, no?
Do this as often as is convenient for you. Once a day, once a week, twice a day, as often as you can manage.
That's it.
Eventually you'll be able to do it more often as you make it a habit, and eventually you'll start catching yourself in the midst of it all, and be able to turn your entire day around.
The end.
Monday, December 27, 2010
The Law of Attraction Made Reeaaaaaal Simple
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
This is why you were taught to 'Mind Your Manners'
http://www.misophonia-uk.org/faqs.html
What is misophonia?Misophonia literally means "extreme dislike" or "hatred" (miso-) of "sound" (-phonia). The term was coined by US audiologists Pawel and Margaret Jastreboff in 1991. The vast majority of people joining self-help groups who have an extreme reaction to everyday sounds report an intriguingly similar set of symptoms. These may vary from one person to another but generally speaking:
* the age of onset will often be around 10-12
* the "trigger" sounds which tend to be most difficult are connected with eating and breathing
* the reaction starts with the sound (or some aspect of the sound) and often develops to include actions associated with the sound and even anticipation of those actions
* the closer the sufferer is emotionally to the "trigger" person, the more offensive the sound tends to be
* the reaction is experienced most commonly as extreme rage
* the trigger sound can create an overwhelming fight or flight response in the sufferer, so they experience a desire to do extreme violence to the maker of the sound, or to escape the vicinity of the sound at all costs.
These people exist.
I am one of them.
Chew with your mouth closed or I'll kill you in your sleep.
:)
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Children of the 21st Century-ish
You've heard the story; it has been recited in the halls of schools all across America: "My child has a learning disorder." Parents fret and worry, become overwhelmed by the emotional intensity of raising such a creature, teachers are equally exasperated. Does this sound familiar to you? "You're so intelligent! If only you could do your work/behave/adhere to our system." Etcetera.
Do you know the things you tell a child shape who they become? It should be so obvious, and yet we still fail in our duties as guides and elders.
I harbor some anger when I think back on how I was treated, now, when in retrospect I know who and what I was. This, however, is a dangerous stance to take. Feel your emotions, let yourself feel the anger, the injustice, the new-found pride, but do not let it out onto others. Once you have come to this point of awareness, you are capable of resolving internal dramas in less destructive ways.
Do you think these people failed us? Those teachers who made you feel like a failure yourself? The babysitters who couldn't 'handle' you and made that seem as if it were your fault? The parents who you remember as being more often angry than loving?
Let me ask you something else- do you think it was they who were our guides? Or we who were theirs? Or, perhaps, both.
We are the Rainbow Warriors which Native Americans predicted in their stories, we are light beings of a different hue; once unseen in this world, now becoming dominant. It is evolution, it is a revolution, and we all want to change the world.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Beliefs and Validation
This is as helpful to me right now as it might be to any of you. Lately I've been having trouble with a certain topic, as mentioned in the title: Beliefs and validation. For advanced 'Law of Attraction' or as I prefer, 'Story Writing' techniques this is what I have found to be a pretty useful guideline.
Step One:
Stop Invalidating
Step Two:
Write your story
Step Three:
Adjust the beliefs by
A. Discovering the ones that aren't in alignment and
B. Stop validating them.
It may help to C. Find new beliefs to uphold the new structure then implement them by D. Validating them.
The validation part is extremely important to me as I have a tendency to go too far down the rabbit hole and question the validity of everything. This works wonderfully in my disassembling of belief structures, but becomes troublesome when putting the new ones into place, as I have a tendency to invalidate those once I've slipped into my 'EVERYTHING is subjective' mode.
This will have to be short today, but I may update it later. By the way, I intend to post a blog of sorts every Tuesday and Thursday from now on as I have access to the interwebz in full on these days.
Namaste
Friday, October 8, 2010
It's a Brand New Morning in the Sea of Infinity
And I feel aware.
I feel uncertain.
I feel doubtful.
I feel stressed.
I feel like something's out to get me.
I wonder where the fuck these feelings are coming from.
I wonder what their purpose is.
I realize these feelings are totally baseless.
I let them swim away.
I let other fish eat them.
Because it's a brand new morning in the Sea of Infinity.
Soon: Internet at home.
Friday, June 11, 2010
I'm Back with a Vengeance
It is 4 AM. Tomorrow I have to write two heart-felt explanatory letters to my future in-laws, close my play, move back into my apartment, have an F-ing awesome time at our cast party into the wee hours of the morning, somehow arrange for some of my fellow actors to crash at my place afterward, wake up to go and strike the sets and find a substantial source of income sometime before the end of the month.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Untitled Story to Be
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Some Adoption Haikus
Forty-eight hours
Thursday, April 1, 2010
The Abolition of Work by Bob Black pt. II
The degradation which most workers experience on the job is the sum of assorted indignities which can be denominated as "discipline." Foucault has complexified this phenomenon but it is simple enough. Discipline consists of the totality of totalitarian controls at the workplace -- surveillance, rotework, imposed work tempos, production quotas, punching -in and -out, etc. Discipline is what the factory and the office and the store share with the prison and the school and the mental hospital. It is something historically original and horrible. It was beyond the capacities of such demonic dictators of yore as Nero and Genghis Khan and Ivan the Terrible. For all their bad intentions they just didn't have the machinery to control their subjects as thoroughly as modern despots do. Discipline is the distinctively diabolical modern mode of control, it is an innovative intrusion which must be interdicted at the earliest opportunity. Such is "work." Play is just the opposite. Play is always voluntary. What might otherwise be play is work if it's forced. This is axiomatic. Bernie de Koven has defined play as the "suspension of consequences." This is unacceptable if it implies that play is inconsequential. The point is not that play is without consequences. This is to demean play. The point is that the consequences, if any, are gratuitous. Playing and giving are closely related, they are the behavioral and transactional facets of the same impulse, the play-instinct. They share an aristocratic disdain for results. The player gets something out of playing; that's why he plays. But the core reward is the experience of the activity itself (whatever it is). Some otherwise attentive students of play, like Johan Huizinga (Homo Ludens), define it as game-playing or following rules. I respect Huizinga's erudition but emphatically reject his constraints. There are many good games (chess, baseball, Monopoly, bridge) which are rule-governed but there is much more to play than game-playing. Conversation, sex, dancing, travel -- these practices aren't rule-governed but they are surely play if anything is. And rules can be played with at least as readily as anything else. Work makes a mockery of freedom. The official line is that we all have rights and live in a democracy. Other unfortunates who aren't free like we are have to live in police states. These victims obey orders or-else, no matter how arbitrary. The authorities keep them under regular surveillance. State bureaucrats control even the smaller details of everyday life. The officials who push them around are answerable only to higher-ups, public or private. Either way, dissent and disobedience are punished. Informers report regularly to the authorities. All this is supposed to be a very bad thing. And so it is, although it is nothing but a description of the modern workplace. The liberals and conservatives and libertarians who lament totalitarianism are phonies and hypocrites. There is more freedom in any moderately deStalinized dictatorship than there is in the ordinary American workplace. You find the same sort of hierarchy and discipline in an office or factory as you do in a prison or monastery. In fact, as Foucault and others have shown, prisons and factories came in at about the same time, and their operators consciously borrowed from each other's control techniques. A worker is a part time slave. The boss says when to show up, when to leave, and what to do in the meantime. He tells you how much work to do and how fast. He is free to carry his control to humiliating extremes, regulating, if he feels like it, the clothes you wear or how often you go to the bathroom. With a few exceptions he can fire you for any reason, or no reason. He has you spied on by snitches and supervisors, he amasses a dossier on every employee. Talking back is called "insubordination," just as if a worker is a naughty child, and it not only gets you fired, it disqualifies you for unemployment compensation. Without necessarily endorsing it for them either, it is noteworthy that children at home and in school receive much the same treatment, justified in their case by their supposed immaturity. What does this say about their parents and teachers who work? The demeaning system of domination I've described rules over half the waking hours of a majority of women and the vast majority of men for decades, for most of their lifespans. For certain purposes it's not too misleading to call our system democracy or capitalism or -- better still -- industrialism, but its real names are factory fascism and office oligarchy. Anybody who says these people are "free" is lying or stupid. You are what you do. If you do boring, stupid monotonous work, chances are you'll end up boring, stupid and monotonous. Work is a much better explanation for the creeping cretinization all around us than even such significant moronizing mechanisms as television and education. People who are regimented all their lives, handed off to work from school and bracketed by the family in the beginning and the nursing home at the end, are habituated to heirarchy and psychologically enslaved. Their aptitude for autonomy is so atrophied that their fear of freedom is among their few rationally grounded phobias. Their obedience training at work carries over into the families they start, thus reproducing the system in more ways than one, and into politics, culture and everything else. Once you drain the vitality from people at work, they'll likely submit to heirarchy and expertise in everything. They're used to it. We are so close to the world of work that we can't see what it does to us. We have to rely on outside observers from other times or other cultures to appreciate the extremity and the pathology of our present position. There was a time in our own past when the "work ethic" would have been incomprehensible, and perhaps Weber was on to something when he tied its appearance to a religion, Calvinism, which if it emerged today instead of four centuries ago would immediately and appropriately be labeled a cult. Be that as it may, we have only to draw upon the wisdom of antiquity to put work in perspective. The ancients saw work for what it is, and their view prevailed, the Calvinist cranks notwithstanding, until overthrown by industrialism -- but not before receiving the endorsement of its prophets.
The Abolition of Work by Bob Black pt. I
No one should ever work. Work is the source of nearly all the misery in the world. Almost any evil you'd care to name comes from working or from living in a world designed for work. In order to stop suffering, we have to stop working. That doesn't mean we have to stop doing things. It does mean creating a new way of life based on play; in other words, a ludic conviviality, commensality, and maybe even art. There is more to play than child's play, as worthy as that is. I call for a collective adventure in generalized joy and freely interdependent exuberance. Play isn't passive. Doubtless we all need a lot more time for sheer sloth and slack than we ever enjoy now, regardless of income or occupation, but once recovered from employment-induced exhaustion nearly all of us want to act. Oblomovism and Stakhanovism are two sides of the same debased coin. The ludic life is totally incompatible with existing reality. So much the worse for "reality," the gravity hole that sucks the vitality from the little in life that still distinguishes it from mere survival. Curiously -- or maybe not -- all the old ideologies are conservative because they believe in work. Some of them, like Marxism and most brands of anarchism, believe in work all the more fiercely because they believe in so little else. Liberals say we should end employment discrimination. I say we should end employment. Conservatives support right-to-work laws. Following Karl Marx's wayward son-in-law Paul Lafargue I support the right to be lazy. Leftists favor full employment. Like the surrealists -- except that I'm not kidding -- I favor full unemployment. Trotskyists agitate for permanent revolution. I agitate for permanent revelry. But if all the ideologues (as they do) advocate work -- and not only because they plan to make other people do theirs -- they are strangely reluctant to say so. They will carry on endlessly about wages, hours, working conditions, exploitation, productivity, profitability. They'll gladly talk about anything but work itself. These experts who offer to do our thinking for us rarely share their conclusions about work, for all its saliency in the lives of all of us. Among themselves they quibble over the details. Unions and management agree that we ought to sell the time of our lives in exchange for survival, although they haggle over the price. Marxists think we should be bossed by bureaucrats. Libertarians think we should be bossed by businessmen. Feminists don't care which form bossing takes so long as the bosses are women. Clearly these ideology-mongers have serious differences over how to divvy up the spoils of power. Just as clearly, none of them have any objection to power as such and all of them want to keep us working. You may be wondering if I'm joking or serious. I'm joking and serious. To be ludic is not to be ludicrous. Play doesn't have to be frivolous, although frivolity isn't triviality: very often we ought to take frivolity seriously. I'd like life to be a game -- but a game with high stakes. I want to play for keeps. The alternative to work isn't just idleness. To be ludic is not to be quaaludic. As much as I treasure the pleasure of torpor, it's never more rewarding than when it punctuates other pleasures and pastimes. Nor am I promoting the managed time-disciplined safety-valve called "leisure"; far from it. Leisure is nonwork for the sake of work. Leisure is the time spent recovering from work and in the frenzied but hopeless attempt to forget about work. Many people return from vacation so beat that they look forward to returning to work so they can rest up. The main difference between work and leisure is that work at least you get paid for your alienation and enervation. I am not playing definitional games with anybody. When I say I want to abolish work, I mean just what I say, but I want to say what I mean by defining my terms in non-idiosyncratic ways. My minimum definition of work is forced labor, that is, compulsory production. Both elements are essential. Work is production enforced by economic or political means, by the carrot or the stick. (The carrot is just the stick by other means.) But not all creation is work. Work is never done for its own sake, it's done on account of some product or output that the worker (or, more often, somebody else) gets out of it. This is what work necessarily is. To define it is to despise it. But work is usually even worse than its definition decrees. The dynamic of domination intrinsic to work tends over time toward elaboration. In advanced work-riddled societies, including all industrial societies whether capitalist of "Communist," work invariably acquires other attributes which accentuate its obnoxiousness. Usually -- and this is even more true in "Communist" than capitalist countries, where the state is almost the only employer and everyone is an employee -- work is employment, i. e., wage-labor, which means selling yourself on the installment plan. Thus 95% of Americans who work, work for somebody (or something) else. In the USSR or Cuba or Yugoslavia or any other alternative model which might be adduced, the corresponding figure approaches 100%. Only the embattled Third World peasant bastions -- Mexico, India, Brazil, Turkey -- temporarily shelter significant concentrations of agriculturists who perpetuate the traditional arrangement of most laborers in the last several millenia, the payment of taxes (= ransom) to the state or rent to parasitic landlords in return for being otherwise left alone. Even this raw deal is beginning to look good. All industrial (and office) workers are employees and under the sort of surveillance which ensures servility. But modern work has worse implications. People don't just work, they have "jobs." One person does one productive task all the time on an or-else basis. Even if the task has a quantum of intrinsic interest (as increasingly many jobs don't) the monotony of its obligatory exclusivity drains its ludic potential. A "job" that might engage the energies of some people, for a reasonably limited time, for the fun of it, is just a burden on those who have to do it for forty hours a week with no say in how it should be done, for the profit of owners who contribute nothing to the project, and with no opportunity for sharing tasks or spreading the work among those who actually have to do it. This is the real world of work: a world of bureaucratic blundering, of sexual harassment and discrimination, of bonehead bosses exploiting and scapegoating their subordinates who -- by any rational-technical criteria -- should be calling the shots. But capitalism in the real world subordinates the rational maximization of productivity and profit to the exigencies of organizational control.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Busy Bees make the Sweetest Honey
I have been painfully busy. Tonight, Skybox is in Dallas; this is the most amazing thing ever. I will be there at any cost. Tomorrow, I do not leave my apartment. Aside from maybe checking the mail. I'll still be painfully busy after tomorrow is over. Eventually this will find an end, and I will be busy with nothing but the things that matter. I feel a little off track with that silly job, but its purpose is to allow me a memorable final day to savor. The last day I ever sell my time to an unworthy and unnecessary cause.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
I Can Be at Peace
The past few days have been interesting. I intentionally made myself unwell, nestling down in a beautiful apathy. Thursday I spent all day in the sun, yet as the afternoon grew late my tolerance turned into a strange depression. When everything in your world is beautiful, and all is going your way, you shouldn't feel like this. I decided something was wrong with my brain. It was an enjoyable unravelling, and the next day felt even better. Refusing to care about anything is where I obtained the first clue in my quest to fix my mind. When I'm not struggling to enjoy things, they seem so much more enjoyable.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Five Leaf Clover. Hurrah.
When will the world understand that it really is about mind over matter?
Monday, February 15, 2010
Does a Title Have to Relate to the Subject?
You know how I have all my crazy, embarrassing, overly ambitious and incredible dreams?
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Snow Globe
Day in, day out.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Communication
I had a revelation in the shower, and yes, the fact that I was in the shower is very pertinent. (It really wasn't, I'm just giving you some uncomfortable images to set the stage with.)
Saturday, January 16, 2010
The Domestics
What exactly is my vision for my future? "Go to school, graduate, get a career, get married in my mid twenties, enjoy that for a while, buy a starter house, have a kid or two, make the most exciting parts of my existence that new 60 inch flat screen we can finally afford and saving up for a trip to Disneyland."
Monday, January 4, 2010
This Blog Will Change Your Life. Maybe.
Back to the story; though the younger male Tinley doesn't have quite the natural gift at planning birthday themes his mother possesses, he really tries, bless his heart, (Because it sneezed?) the theme itself was a fantastic one, however, lunch at Blue Mesa doesn't quite top a safari, or having your entire family dress up like The Addams Family. I'm leaving Janet in charge of my 21st.
I was very touched at my gift:
