Baby steps Downstream

This morning I woke up with a brand new song in my head.

I suppose the cosmos has decided to bless me with a music writing ability, after all these... years? I don't know how long it's been. I was half awake and the melody was dancing around in my brain, the first line whipped 'round, then it pulled the next line into the room. My half asleep brain worked a little and constructed the final two lines in the chorus. I bolted awake, brushed my teeth, or something, and then ran to my blog to get it down. Of course between the bed and my computer I forgot it a little bit, so I improvised. When I was done with the rough draft of it, enough to preserve it and fine tune it later, I sang some of it into a recording on my phone. I've been doing that now. I'm impatiently waiting on my new keyboard. Srsly, my old one does not function anymore.

I spent the day doing my usual thing, and took off to the park after Reese went to church. Yes. I'm mentioning you in my blog. It'll probably happen a lot. I brought my ipod with me, of course, and danced all the way to the swing set. I'm pretty sure dancing and twirling in public is one of my new favorite things. My swing set, oh, my sanctuary. Every ounce of vision around me is beautiful. I hopped on and started swinging along to The Red Hot Chili Peppers. Then I started singing along. At one point I thought, screw it, and kicked off my shoes. Swinging barefoot is great. I don't even know how to explain just how liberating this activity is for me; suffice to say there is no drug that will do this to you. Swinging > drugs.

I am mesmerized as I stare at the open, starry sky and the shimmering river, lake, ocean... I'm still not really sure what it is. But it has ducks and nutria. Speaking of the ducks, they came one by one to watch me swing, or possibly to listen to me sing. Californication is a fan favorite.
Though I could have done this all evening, after an hour or two I got the sudden and overwhelming urge to immediately head back home, so I acted on it. I was very curious to see why it was that my intuition was ushering me back. I walked in the door, kicked off my shoes, sat down at the laptop and five to ten seconds later Reese IMs me. He just got home. Nothing too earth shattering, he might have just called me if I didn't respond. But I'd say it's like a little show of what I'm becoming capable of. No, not psychic powers; synchronicity, intuition.

Another interesting tidbit, every tarot reading I do (yes, I'm into that sort of thing) yields the exact same message. Here is an example:

'You are seeing the results of your efforts and this stimulates you; you’re getting closer to the goals that you’ve set. Think carefully before taking any decision, this is a period of drastic changes in your life. You'll have enough confidence to move forward with courage and not to give up. Period of spiritual growth. A dream will be reborn. New lovers and relationships.'

And trust me, there are a thousand other things it could say to me, but time after time after time I get this exact message in differing words. I'm also constantly bombarded with messages of a 'new lover' 'new romance' etc. etc. It wasn't something I was planning on, but I'm more than satisfied.

Another other interesting bit-tid, I'm constantly looking at the clock right at one of those odd times like '2:22' '3:33' '11:11' '12:34'. So on and so forth. I used to think "What significance could there possibly be in numbers?" Then I realized it's an easy and subtle sign that you're in synch.



My last bit of interesting tid, my whole life I've felt this presence, observing me, watching me. That sounds crazy, yes I know. I do hope that along the way you all question my sanity a little, for at least one moment. However, this is not a sign of insanity. This presence was ALWAYS right over my shoulder. Sometime while I was at Gladney, it disappeared. For the first time since I began forming memories. Yes, I know what this means. Do you?

Coincidences are the illogical invention of those who live in fear, they do not actually exist.

My advice for the week, go bark at a tree. You'll feel better instantly.


|Post Script:|

I am coming to a fully blown appreciation and awareness of just how many truly amazing and wonderful people I have in my life. There simply are no words, so here I give credit where credit is due:

My wonderful mom, we're like the Gilmore Girls. It's weird.
My awesome stepdad, you are an amazing human being, I'm proud to call you family.
My best friend Rochelle, I wouldn't trade you for the world.
My best friend Christina, you won't read this and you're terrible at keeping in touch, but we always pick up right where we leave off. :)

Reese, you amaze me by your very existence.
Ryan, you're one of my closest friends and you've been there for me through a lot.
Stoney, you're an incredible person, and thank you so much for giving my cats a temporary home when I could not.
Bri, you are just the coolest cousin ever, and an amazing friend to boot.
Megan, we don't talk as frequently anymore but you're still awesome. Talk to me sometime and let me know how things are going.

All of my Gladney Girls:
Janet
Mariah
Emilee
Marcie
Priscilla (someone tell that girl she needs to give me her new number.)
Kate
Fancy
Audrey (Even though you don't do social networking and won't see this.)
Kelly (Bleh, Mariah give me her number already.)
...Callie. :D

All of my fellow aces, you fill me with joy like no other.

Bleh! I'm out of brain space. I love you all!

Good night.

Rome Won't Be Built in a Day, But it's Sure as Hell Starting

I've been feeling restless.

But I know I'm on the right track.

I've gone for many walks around my neighborhood; it's beautiful. There's nothing not beautiful about this area. It's a reminder of how well I've been doing. Everything has a familiar/new vibe. Vibes I've previously encountered in my own head, now outside my body. Nothing I see or touch looks like my old grim ideas of reality, every breath and step I take is alighted with a certain magic.



Each day I'm amazed by all the great people I see walking into my life. They come from everywhere and nowhere. They are diverse and interesting, talented and intelligent. I have amazing friends, amazing family and amazing acquaintances. This is one of the things I'd been picturing, but I know there's still more to come. I'll need a small army to help me bring my dreams into reality. That's what I'm getting.

I've met a man I have suspicions about. He says he wrote a song based on the same concept of snow I claim to be the inspiration for Project Snowglobe. I listened to it, it's fairly good. I plan to further stalk him and determine whether or not he is mentally disturbed enough to be a part of this crazy train.

The only thing that's yet to materialize is a job; I'm slowly starting to realize that this might be because it's not a compatible aspect of my reality. I've been picturing an amazing job that fills me with absolute joy, but I've been having difficulty reconstructing my beliefs to allow that into my reality. And just recently I've realized that maybe a 9-5 doesn't fit into my newly formed world. There are a thousand other options. We'll see where I take myself.

A Childhood Dream, At Long Last

Do you know who we are?


We are you.


We are the thoughts you refuse to think.


We are the daydreams you'll have but never speak.


We live the lives you'd choose to lead, if every waking moment could be naught but a dream.


We possess the knowledge, we wield the power.


You envy us with your grapes so sour.


But for what reason?


It's time to leave the church bells ringing


And take a listen to what the sinners are screaming.



Over the past six or so months I have grown significantly. I have worked and worked, and learned more than I ever previously imagined. I have learned about love, family, and life, you know, all the good cliches. I have learned the language of undeniable truth, what I mean by that is I've learned how to pick up on those little feelings that never lead you astray, AKA: Intuition. More importantly, I have learned the vital lesson, you are what you think.


Now that I'm on board with the current of life I must move on to the next chapter: the beginning of what I've been waiting my whole life for. The dream I've been dreaming since I was old enough to care about more than napping and snacking. We're afraid to dream big, we're afraid of seeming foolish. How many people want to be president? Or a football star? Yeah kid, we've heard it all before. Those of us who have dreams of changing the world are most afraid. There's a big difference between "Oh, so you want to be a supermodel?" and "Oh, so you want to inspire a revolution?"


Fear is our worst enemy with doubt its antagonistic comrade. What's worse? Choking on a pipe dream for all the world to see, or denying the world its Martin Luther Kings? (Yeah, I said it.) Plus, in my experience, when your intuition tells you something is going to happen, it invariably does. With that being said, I would like to introduce you to Project Snowglobe:


It all started with a song. Well, to be totally accurate, it started long before, but it was the song that triggered it. This song is called Snow, you've probably heard it, it's by The Red Hot Chili Peppers. An unfortunate amount of people think this song is about cocaine; I'll agree to disagree. Now, if you've ever played in the snow as a child, you know it possess a literally magical quality. You'll also know that it's capable of stopping the daily grind in its tracks and enveloping everything in a virginally white peace.


You can picture it in your head, how the cold numbs your extremities and you become very self aware. The snow muffles all distant noises and amplifies the sound of your own footsteps; you can see your breath: a thick fog on the air. You close your eyes, you go inward to your stilling mind. Time is frozen in the ice; for this brief moment, nothing matters.


It is precisely this feeling I believe to be captured and lyrically expanded upon in the so aptly named song, Snow. And it is this feeling I would like to preserve in my mind, and find a way to teach others to do the same. This brings me to my next point, a perfect example of my aspirations. There is a man by the name of John C. Parkin; this man held a very similar goal. He has achieved it to some extent. John Parkin is the author of a book titled: F**k it- The Ultimate Spiritual Way. Let me copy and paste a description posted on his site- http:/thefuckitway.com.


Saying ‘Fuck It’ is like massage for the mind –
Relaxing you, releasing tension, giving up on things that aren’t working.
John C. Parkin argues that saying Fuck It is a spiritual act:
That it is the perfect western expression of the eastern ideas of letting go, giving up and finding real freedom by realizing that things don’t matter so much (if at all).

This is The Fuck It Way.

It works very simply: if you’re feeling stressed about something, say Fuck It… you feel instantly better.

I'm sure a thousand people would tell me, "Easier said than done." That's where I would say, stop right there. That phrase in itself is an example of why this concept seems so difficult for you. It's all about what you tell yourself. You are the only person in this world who can validate or invalidate something for yourself. The importance of anything is assigned by you. Even if you believe the world is truly random, and thoughts have no external power; you will have to agree that the way we react to and view things is completely within our own control. Though, admittedly, it requires a high degree of self awareness, and even, to some extent, self discipline.

About a year ago a life altering event rolled into my world. At first blush it seemed absolutely devastating, even life ending. I doubted whether I would survive. But god dammit, I did survive. In fact I thrived. And I continue to thrive; at the tail end of what is supposed to have been the most heart wrenching thing in my life so far. It is this journey I have taken which has allowed me to acquire the self awareness and self discipline. The very things required to come out of this with a smile on my face and hope for the future. Now my most passionately burning desire is to bring this ability to the masses, in a less traumatic form. I hope you're beginning to picture the concept I'm illustrating.

Project Snowglobe, a band, a book, a movie... A revolution. This is my dream in a sentence. When Project Snowglobe first fell into my head, I thought it would be a book. I tried to write about the transformation of three or four different people whose lives were all stalked by varying degrees of difficulty; a man whose office job was his life, think Office Space. A girl, pregnant, young, and homeless. A single father supporting two children with no high school degree. An abused woman. I would write of how the world would be taken over by the biggest blizzard in the history of mankind, and how it lead society to realize the great unimportance of everything they once thought to be their very worlds. A grand metaphor.

A few weeks into it I realized I had no clue how to write this. Annoyed, I went about my life, until I watched Fight Club for a second time. My mind was pulled out of my head, and the ending song cemented the feeling. Instantly I got the idea of a group of people (slightly similar to Project Mayhem, though significantly less destructive) just as blissfully out of their minds as I felt at that moment, working to spread this state of mind to the world. At an almost rapid speed all the ideas began to form. A band. Four members, each representing a typical member of society. A working man. A housewife. A schoolgirl. A schoolboy. All out of their minds, and representing the rejection of the American Dream. Or at least the perceived importance of it. The importance which pressures us into misery; misery can be conquered by will alone, and we're out to prove it.

There is so much more to come. So keep your eyes and ears open. And by the way, who are we? We are The Domestics.